By Russ Gordon
Welcome back everyone. I hope that all is well with you and your family and friends. I would like to thank everyone who is sending me the incident reports and Captain’s Complimentary memos that drive the content of this column. Without the documentation of the dedication, daily acts of heroism, and diligence, I would have nothing to write here. As it is, I could fill up the entire Journal on a monthly basis with all of your hard work.
Bayview Station – Officers Mike Ellis and Jesse Cruz are taking a spin around the district. In a high crime area, they drive by our hero. Not even stopping, yelling, nor slamming on the brakes and slamming the door closed loudly (remember that one), one of the gents, for no good reason ducks behind a car. Mmmmm snaps, a clue. Mike recognizes the whack-a-mole and drives over to the carnival scene. Before anyone can run, the officers detain the gent. In the same area where he had ducked down was a fully loaded SEMI-AUTOMATIC HANDGUN with 22 bullets in an extended magazine. Another gun off the streets, Good job, guys.
Tenderloin/Central Stations – Officers Timothy Neves and Calvin Wang respond to call of shots fired. They find a man sitting on the sidewalk who had been shot in the foot. Numerous witnesses give a detailed description of the man who had pulled the trigger and who had then fled the scene. The officers quickly get the information out on the air (you can’t run from a radio). Additional information leads to a suspect boarding a Muni bus. Officer Joe Marte (Co. A) responded to the area and is told our fleeing suspect has just boarded the bus that was still at the bus stop in front of them. Not having time to call for additional units, Joe boards the bus and sure enough, a man matching the shooters description is sitting in the back of the bus. Right from page 45 of the Bad Guy Manual, he appeared to be nervous, was sweating profusely, and was fidgeting. Joe detained our hero who immediately stated he was playing with fireworks. Which might cause there to be gun shot residue on his hands. Now that’s some funny stuff! Oh well, try as he might, a positive identification was made by the victim putting Mr. Firecracker at the scene, shooting him after he had robbed him at gunpoint. Additionally, Officer Neves took it a step further. Tim found video from a hotel nearby. The video captured the entire litany of felonious activity. Firecrackers, I love it! BOOKED!
Southern Station – Sergeant Dave Parry is taking a spin through the district when he sees an older Honda Civic. Good Guy Manual, page 32, a common stolen vehicle. Dave decides to run a routine check on the vehicle and, Ooo snap, it’s stolen! Sergeant Alex Rodatos, Officers Dan Rosaia, Matt Sullivan, Mike Peralta, Ryan Crosby and Ken Kikuchi come a-runnin when they hear the information over the air. Ok, here we go, Bad Guy Manual, page 57, take the police on a short vehicle pursuit, stop the stolen car, get out and run around like half an idiot, then fall down, start screaming, and tell the police you ran because you were scared. Yep, that’s what happened. However, further investigation has our hero involved in a major identity theft ring and he is on PAROLE. Mmmm, I think the real parole, or maybe double secret probation parole, I have to check. Either way, no soup for you! BOOKED!
Ingleside Station – Bob the builder goes rouge! Officer Meaghan McMilton responds to a call regarding a man attempting to break into an ATM with a torch (Alexander Mundy, can’t help myself, sorry). Upon arrival, Meaghan spots the truck that was given in the initial description from an unknown citizen. Inside the truck is “Sleeping Beauty” taking a nappy nap. Well, Ms. Meaghan does not want to disturb this pleasant scene. So, as gently as possible, determines Bob the Builder is on PROBATION, has a blow torch, and three pages from the incident report of other burglary tools inside of the truck, damage to the ATM that he was trying to get into or take and is on probation for, wait, possession of burglary tools. Well, because you’re using an acetylene torch, Bob, Inspector Marty Halloran from Arson Task Force is called out to take charge of the investigation and make sure the torch this guy was using does not explode causing untold damage to the personnel at scene. Ooo Bob, silly Bob, now you’re going to have all kinds of charges against you. Bad Guy Manual, page 24, don’t use a blowtorch to burglarize in a residential area, don’t get tired and fall asleep before you’re done. BOOKED!
Taraval/Ingleside Stations – Officer Dan Rosiak is taking a report from a citizen who had her car stolen. Unfortunately, she had left the keys in the car making it an easy mark, but fortunately she had captured the thieves on videotape. Now this part you just can’t make up; whilst taking the said report, the victim gets a phone call from a check-cashing store in the Ingleside District. The clerk became suspicious when a man was trying to cash a check from the victim for less than a dollar using his San Francisco Sheriff’s jail identification bracelet as ID! REALLY! Said suspect was also attempting to cash another check with the victim’s name and phone number on it. Dan quickly alerts Dispatch to these facts and units respond. Officers Marie Conceicao, Tony LaRocca, and Amy Hurwitz from Ingleside Station respond and get both of our heroes in custody. During their investigation, they determined that the suspects were attempting to hide the victim’s property all over the store, car keys, checks etc. Taraval Units respond and Officers Jim Drilon and Enrique Alejandrino arrive. Enrique acquires a positive identification of the property from the victim and Jim was able to elicit a statement from one of the suspects stating he was “joyriding.” Later at Taraval Station, Officers Eric Lau and Antonio Santos were able to get a confession from one suspect for being in possession of the stolen items from the car. Jail ID bracelet, jeez. Ooo Snizzle, I forgot, one hero is on PAROLE the other is on PROBATION. These guys were not even issued a Bad Guy Manual. Why bother?
Taraval Station – Early in the morning before anyone has had his or her coffee, a call comes out regarding a commercial burglary in progress. It seems that his alarm company had alerted the owner of the company that there was an intruder inside of his business. This being the 21st century, he looks on his computer and with the cameras inside of the business sees our hero burglarizing the joint. My man even takes the time to go into the cooler and grab a bottle of suds to calm his nerves. Officer Jerry King responds quickly to the scene in time to find our hero inside. Jerry takes out his pistol, identifies himself, and orders him to the floor. In an amazing act of desperation, our hero runs right at Jerry and pushes his way out of the doorway. Not good for him. Arriving at the scene to welcome and greet my man is Sergeant Jim Nguyen, Sergeant Steve Quon, and Officers Michelle Spears, Thu Vaing, Enrique Alejandrino, Jason Mostasisa and yours truly. Well, you have to admire nerve, but our hero still wants to fight in an attempt to get away. Just FYI, that didn’t happen. Jerry and I found numerous amounts of the business property on our hero, he is on tape committing the crime, and told at least three of the said officers “I should have gotten out faster.” Oooooo snizzle…did I mention that or hero was on super beta prostate PAROLE. Grrrrr, put that beer back!
Park Station – Officers Chhunmeng Tov, Edwin Lee, Christopher Kohrs and Ryan McArthur respond to an auto burglary in progress. Teamwork kicks in, our hero is seen by the officers walking away from the scene, a citizen is found as an eyewitness, a cold show (identification of the suspect after the crime; hey folks, not everyone who reads this Journal is law enforcement) is done which proves to be positive. Great job, but the officers took it a step further. At Park Station, the suspect was Mirandized and recorded “spilling the beans” relaying his guilt to the officers. I’m betting our hero was “good” for dozens of auto burglaries and, due to this excellent police work, his crime spree will be stopped for at least the two days he will spend in jail.
Park Station - Nothing more infuriating to any police officer or an involved citizen than to do anything illegal or dangerous to or near a CHILD. On bike patrol, Officers Ocean Embody and Francisco Rodriquez are in Golden Gate Park when they see an individual they know as a career criminal sitting within 150 yards of a children’s’ playground. The playground is FULL OF CHILDREN. The officers approach and yes, page 58 Bad Guy Manual, our hero has that vacuous look on his face, quickly tries to conceal items from the officers, and fails. Yes, even the Bad Guy Manual states your chances of success are slim to none. Our hero was eventually found to be selling marijuana filled brownies right near a children’s playground. By the by, yes, oooo snap, our hero had a felony warrant with no bail attached for the same offense. No soup for him, secret double indemnity, double Dutch treat probation for you.
Richmond Station – Officers Darius Jones, Tobius Moore, and Thomas McWilliams are in plainclothes assigned to a bar enforcement detail. The officers’ attention is brought to an individual standing in a doorway with his back to the street, and after an inordinate amount of time, did not enter the premise. Further investigation is needed. As the officers approach, they discover another person in the doorway. It appeared that the man who was standing in the doorway had met a woman in a bar, brought her to the said doorway and proceeded to restrain her and rape her right there. Ooo yes, he had his pants down, her cloths were pulled down, and he started to walk away when the officers identified themselves. I have no words for this guy that I can print here, Editor Shine can’t print it anyhow. No words for it, REALLY. These officers, due to their attention to duty, observation skills and thoroughness stopped a violent assault and who knows how many others if this man was not caught. SFPD, heroes in action. Yes, hot soup for you, and I know exactly where it should be served!
Until next month my brothers and sisters, be safe and take care of each other.
KMA 438 is our FCC call sign. All suspects/heroes in this article are innocent until proven guilty.
